Accompanying Schoolchildren to Sleep

Falling asleep alone just because elementary school has started? Many parents feel: It's not that simple. Some schoolchildren still need closeness, calm, and a familiar ritual at night. A mother explains why she continues to accompany her older child to sleep – without guilt and without external pressure.

Why Sleep Accompaniment Looks Different Today

Do you remember how you were put to bed as a child? For many of us, the bedtime ritual was quite simple: a short goodnight story, the light turned off, and the door left ajar. But times have changed. Today, many parents talk about "sleep accompaniment," which means they stay in the room until their child is deeply asleep. This practice has become established in many families because it meets the need for closeness and security. But is it really necessary or just a trend?

There are many reasons why parents prefer this method. Some report that their children simply need closeness after a long school day to calm down. Others see it as a way to wind down the day together and discuss any last questions or worries. The daily lives of schoolchildren are often packed with activities and challenges, and the bedtime ritual can provide a valuable opportunity to peacefully conclude the day.

Every Child is Different

Recently, I told a friend that I still accompany my schoolchild to sleep at nearly seven years old. Her reaction was surprised: "Oh really? I weaned my child off that at five." This reaction is not unusual, as many parents have different views on when a child should sleep alone. But every child is unique. Some need more closeness and security, while others adapt to changes more quickly. The notion that everything is just a matter of upbringing is too simplistic. My child can sleep alone, but doesn't have to. Sleep accompaniment is for us an expression of security and love.

There are children who are naturally more independent and can more easily detach from their parents. Others, however, need the reassurance that mom or dad is nearby. Recognizing these differences and responding to them can make all the difference. It is important to address the individual needs of each child and not rigidly adhere to societal expectations.

The Challenges of Sleep Accompaniment

Of course, I understand parents who want to end sleep accompaniment at some point. Sometimes the evening drags on, and the desire for some time for oneself grows. When the child, despite a long school day, is not tired and is all ears to ensure they don’t miss the moment when you sneak out of the room, it can be exhausting. In those moments, I sometimes wish for a child who simply lies down in bed and accepts it when mom leaves the door ajar. But my daughter doesn’t want to be alone – and that’s okay.

There are days when I cherish this time because it gives us both the opportunity to reflect on the day and talk about experiences that may have been overlooked in the hectic daily routine. This shared time can also help children sleep better because they feel safe and secure. And let’s be honest: In the fast-paced world we live in, such moments of calm and closeness are priceless.

Why Closeness is Important

Why is falling asleep often seen as something that needs to be "trained"? Why should a child suddenly sleep alone when so much is changing in their life? We accompany our children in many situations: learning to ride a bike, on their first day of school, through their anger and sadness. So why not also at bedtime? In a few years, my child may want to go to bed alone, and I will miss these moments. Sleep accompaniment is more than just a ritual for us; it is a way to show our child that we are there, no matter what happens. This time also gives us the chance to build a strong bond that goes beyond just falling asleep.

The closeness we provide our children at bedtime is an important part of their emotional development. They learn that they can rely on us and that we take their needs seriously. This security can help them become more confident and independent as they grow older. It’s a gift we can give them on their journey.

Conclusion: What is Right for You

If sleep accompaniment works for your family, that’s great. If not, that’s okay too. What matters is that everyone feels comfortable and no one has to justify themselves. There is no "too long" in sleep accompaniment as long as it feels right for both of you. Make the decision independent of societal expectations. After all, every family is different, and what works for one may not work for another. What’s important is that you as a family find your own path and feel good about it.